Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Voters Meeting

 

Top Ten Signs You’re At A Bad Voters Meeting

10) The Secretary reads the “hours” of the last meeting.

9) The pastor’s opening devotion: “The Worker Is Worth His Hire or Why I Am Entitled To a Raise”

8) The President announces, “All in favor of approving the budget say “I.” “All those not in favor have five minutes to change their minds.”

7) The Elders budget includes a suspicious entry regarding a “prayer and fasting retreat at the Princess Resort.”

6) The Budget is printed in disappearing ink.

5) Proposed that all future voters meeting be held at Gila River Casino

4) The pastor’s budget includes a $2000 addition marked “Chick-fil-a”

3) It is moved that all voting should be declared at “Yes,” “No,” or “Over My Dead Body”

2) Voters change mission statement, “We Seek People For Jesus,” to “We’re Pretty Comfortable Just the Way We Are.”

And the number one sign that you’re at a bad voters meeting:

#1 No one shows up.

Top 10 Signs You're Reading a Bad Bible Translation-part 2

 

Top 10 signs you’re reading a bad Bible translation – part two

In Luke 10, Martha is referred to as the Barefoot Contessa

Using popular Bible numerology Isaiah 9:2 actually reads, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light and they were blinded by starring at it too long”

Images of Jesus replaced with photos of Jim Caviezel

Many Bible verses end with multiple choices for the reader. For example: “The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our…” a) faith or b) rations or c) Peter’s opportunities to stick his foot in his mouth.

Offers a Large Print edition for those with poor eyesight and a Fine Print edition for believing Christian attorneys

Advertising boasts, “This is the perfect Bible to gather dust on your bookshelf”

Bible edited by scholars from Cambridge University, Fuller Seminary and the California College of Chiropractic

Bible publication date was missed due to a recount in the book of Numbers

Describes the devil as “the father of lies,” “a roaring lion,” and “the one who raises your cable bill every month.”

The book of “Palms”

Top Ten Signs You're Reading a Bad Bible Translation

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE READING A BAD BIBLE TRANSLATION

Renames the Epistle of James “the Book of Straw.”

Endorsed by the Jesus Seminar

The Gospels are listed as: Matt, Markie, Dr. Luke, and Jose

Pontius Pilot?

Replaces concordance with recipes from the kitchen of Martha of Bethany

In a startling switch, the words of Satan are printed in “hellish red.”

Retranslated Proverbs 13:14 – “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life but God helps those who help themselves.”

Bibles come in leather, cloth cover, and Naugahyde.

Recommended for use by Rick Warren, Joel Osteen and Larry the Cable Guy

One version published in a notebook binder so you can remove any Scriptures you don’t like

Eschewing bookstores, can be purchased wherever fine liquor and beer are sold

Offers a $1000 reward for anyone who can reveal the identity of the author of the Book of Hebrews

Book of Leviticus has an asterisk which reads – Boring! Skip to next book.

Book of Numbers has an asterisk which reads – Boring! Skip to next book.

Zig Zigler wisdom

Ever heard of Zig Zigler? Back in the day he was the premier motivational/sales trainer and teacher.  I owned several of his book and wherever he came to town I made sure to hear his presentations.

In my journal I wrote down some of the quotes I gleaned from books and speeches.  Here are a few that really spoke to me -

I'm so optimistic, I'd go after Moby Dick in a rowboat and take the tartar sauce with me.

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.

If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.

Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense or mission.

Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem.  We all have 24 hour days.

If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.

Making the cut

The Bible leaves no doubt - there will be a day of judgement.  What side of judgement will you stand?  With the sheep or the goats? The answer really depends on where you stand with Jesus.  "Making the Cut" is the title of tomorrow's sermon.  Join us at Christ the Redeemer in Phoenix at 9 am.

Have a blessed weekend!

Gratitude gets us through the hard stuff

With the glow of Thanksgiving still in our hearts, here are some good words from Max Lucado:

Gratitude gets us through the hard stuff.  To reflect on your blessings is to rehearse God's accomplishments.  To rehearse God's accomplishments is to discover His heart.  To discover His heart is to discover not just good gifts but the Good giver.  Gratitude always leaves us looking at God and away from dread.

What are you most thankful for?

Thanksgiving Day is always special.  Worship in the morning...family arriving around noon...digging into Mr. Turkey...lamenting at the table, "I ate toooo much,"...falling asleep in front of the TV during the football game...making a turkey sandwich for dinner (a small sandwich)...going to bed thinking, "This was the best Thanksgiving Day ever."

However you spend Thanksgiving Day, I pray that it is a special one.  And maybe in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, you'll find a quiet moment to thank the One who makes this day so worthwhile, your loving and gracious God.

As I was paging through my journal I found this quote from Dr. Bruce Hartung: I walk through life together with others, and those others are people whom Christ has placed in my life.  They are His gifts.

Sometime tomorrow I'll give thanks to God for my many friends.  Having served in three congregations, my dear, sweet wife and I have made many friends.  As we grow older our appreciation for those friends grows and grows.  They have blessed and enriched our lives.  They have loved us in the best and worst of times.  Through their friendship they have shown us the heart of God, a heart full of compassion and care.

If I had to make a list of all the things for which I'm thankful to God, I'd need a ream of paper.  And that wouldn't be enough!  But somewhere at the top of the list, I would give thanks to God for friends, His precious gifts.