I read a really informative article in the Sept. 2011 edition of "Christianity Today" that really reinforced something that I share with couples with whom I do premarital counseling - living together before marriage is hazardous to your marriage.
Glenn Stanton has written a book, "The Ring Makes All the Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage." Research has shown that there is a definite downside to couples living together before marriage. Among the things I learned from the article is that, according to Stanton, "Marriage is actually a very pro-woman institution. People don't fully realize what a raw deal for women cohabitation is. Women tend to bring more goods to the relationship - more work, more effort in tending to the relationship - but they get less satisfaction in terms of relational commitment and security."
Those who live together first often say that they want to make sure they are compatible as a couple so that they can make a lasting commitment to each other. But just the opposite occurs. Stanton says, "Scientists find that cohabitation cuts down on commitment. The message of living together is, 'I'd really only like to take a part of you. And maybe some time later I'd like to take all of you'."
And then there was this shocking statement from Stanton: "Cohabiting men who go on to marry are significantly less committed to the marriage itself than men who don't cohabit." Stanton goes on to add, "Again, that's not a preacher's line or a moralizer's line. That's a scientific line."
Cohabitation doesn't at all sound like what God had in mind in Genesis 2:24-25: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." These words indicate something far different that what most couples do when the simply move in together.
The truth is that relationships take time. That's why a good, meaningful courtship leading up to marriage is still the best way. A foundation is laid by both people upon which a loving relationship with real intimacy can be constructed. It is a shame that our society and too many people who call themselves Christians have bought into the lie of the devil and settle for less in relationships that God wants for us all.
