10) "You ate the entire cake? That's OK. I'll just make another."
9) "How on earth can you see the television sitting so far back? Move closer!"
8) "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
7) "Just leave all the lights on in the house. It makes the place more cheery."
6) "Let me smell your shirt. Yeah, it's good for another week."
5) "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, Honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
4) "Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me."
3) "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
2) "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind chill is bound to improve."
And the number one thing your Mom would never say to you:
1) "I don't have a tissue with me - just use your sleeve."
Culled from Homiletics Magazine