Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Voters Meeting

 

Top Ten Signs You’re At A Bad Voters Meeting

10) The Secretary reads the “hours” of the last meeting.

9) The pastor’s opening devotion: “The Worker Is Worth His Hire or Why I Am Entitled To a Raise”

8) The President announces, “All in favor of approving the budget say “I.” “All those not in favor have five minutes to change their minds.”

7) The Elders budget includes a suspicious entry regarding a “prayer and fasting retreat at the Princess Resort.”

6) The Budget is printed in disappearing ink.

5) Proposed that all future voters meeting be held at Gila River Casino

4) The pastor’s budget includes a $2000 addition marked “Chick-fil-a”

3) It is moved that all voting should be declared at “Yes,” “No,” or “Over My Dead Body”

2) Voters change mission statement, “We Seek People For Jesus,” to “We’re Pretty Comfortable Just the Way We Are.”

And the number one sign that you’re at a bad voters meeting:

#1 No one shows up.

Top 10 Signs You're Reading a Bad Bible Translation-part 2

 

Top 10 signs you’re reading a bad Bible translation – part two

In Luke 10, Martha is referred to as the Barefoot Contessa

Using popular Bible numerology Isaiah 9:2 actually reads, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light and they were blinded by starring at it too long”

Images of Jesus replaced with photos of Jim Caviezel

Many Bible verses end with multiple choices for the reader. For example: “The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our…” a) faith or b) rations or c) Peter’s opportunities to stick his foot in his mouth.

Offers a Large Print edition for those with poor eyesight and a Fine Print edition for believing Christian attorneys

Advertising boasts, “This is the perfect Bible to gather dust on your bookshelf”

Bible edited by scholars from Cambridge University, Fuller Seminary and the California College of Chiropractic

Bible publication date was missed due to a recount in the book of Numbers

Describes the devil as “the father of lies,” “a roaring lion,” and “the one who raises your cable bill every month.”

The book of “Palms”

Top Ten Signs You're Reading a Bad Bible Translation

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE READING A BAD BIBLE TRANSLATION

Renames the Epistle of James “the Book of Straw.”

Endorsed by the Jesus Seminar

The Gospels are listed as: Matt, Markie, Dr. Luke, and Jose

Pontius Pilot?

Replaces concordance with recipes from the kitchen of Martha of Bethany

In a startling switch, the words of Satan are printed in “hellish red.”

Retranslated Proverbs 13:14 – “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life but God helps those who help themselves.”

Bibles come in leather, cloth cover, and Naugahyde.

Recommended for use by Rick Warren, Joel Osteen and Larry the Cable Guy

One version published in a notebook binder so you can remove any Scriptures you don’t like

Eschewing bookstores, can be purchased wherever fine liquor and beer are sold

Offers a $1000 reward for anyone who can reveal the identity of the author of the Book of Hebrews

Book of Leviticus has an asterisk which reads – Boring! Skip to next book.

Book of Numbers has an asterisk which reads – Boring! Skip to next book.

Zig Zigler wisdom

Ever heard of Zig Zigler? Back in the day he was the premier motivational/sales trainer and teacher.  I owned several of his book and wherever he came to town I made sure to hear his presentations.

In my journal I wrote down some of the quotes I gleaned from books and speeches.  Here are a few that really spoke to me -

I'm so optimistic, I'd go after Moby Dick in a rowboat and take the tartar sauce with me.

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.

If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.

Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense or mission.

Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem.  We all have 24 hour days.

If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.

Making the cut

The Bible leaves no doubt - there will be a day of judgement.  What side of judgement will you stand?  With the sheep or the goats? The answer really depends on where you stand with Jesus.  "Making the Cut" is the title of tomorrow's sermon.  Join us at Christ the Redeemer in Phoenix at 9 am.

Have a blessed weekend!

Gratitude gets us through the hard stuff

With the glow of Thanksgiving still in our hearts, here are some good words from Max Lucado:

Gratitude gets us through the hard stuff.  To reflect on your blessings is to rehearse God's accomplishments.  To rehearse God's accomplishments is to discover His heart.  To discover His heart is to discover not just good gifts but the Good giver.  Gratitude always leaves us looking at God and away from dread.

What are you most thankful for?

Thanksgiving Day is always special.  Worship in the morning...family arriving around noon...digging into Mr. Turkey...lamenting at the table, "I ate toooo much,"...falling asleep in front of the TV during the football game...making a turkey sandwich for dinner (a small sandwich)...going to bed thinking, "This was the best Thanksgiving Day ever."

However you spend Thanksgiving Day, I pray that it is a special one.  And maybe in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, you'll find a quiet moment to thank the One who makes this day so worthwhile, your loving and gracious God.

As I was paging through my journal I found this quote from Dr. Bruce Hartung: I walk through life together with others, and those others are people whom Christ has placed in my life.  They are His gifts.

Sometime tomorrow I'll give thanks to God for my many friends.  Having served in three congregations, my dear, sweet wife and I have made many friends.  As we grow older our appreciation for those friends grows and grows.  They have blessed and enriched our lives.  They have loved us in the best and worst of times.  Through their friendship they have shown us the heart of God, a heart full of compassion and care.

If I had to make a list of all the things for which I'm thankful to God, I'd need a ream of paper.  And that wouldn't be enough!  But somewhere at the top of the list, I would give thanks to God for friends, His precious gifts. 

Jeske wisdom

John Jeske was a long time parish pastor and seminary professor.  He wrote commentaries for the People's Bible, published by Northwestern Publishing House, a book of daily devotional readings focusing on the Hebrew and Greek Bibles, and an Old Testament Survey book entitled, "Connecting Sinai to Calvary.  This is a treasure of a book and its main purpose is to show readers that Jesus Christ is the heart and center of the Old Testament.  I just finished read "Connecting Sinai to Calvary" a second time; I had forgotten all of the highlighted sentences and paragraphs I'd made.  Next to many paragraphs I simply wrote, "YES!"

I could spend the next month sharing the many gems I discovered in its pages.  But here's one that stopped me in my tracks, so to speak.

"Jesus showed that He would rather go to hell for you than to go to heaven with you.

Let that thought spark you prayers as you retire to bed tonight.

Speaking to God about those you love

One person wisely said, "If you cannot speak to a person about God, speak to God about that person."

Is there someone on your heart for whom you are concerned, concerned about their status before God? Hesitant to speak to that person about Jesus.  Not sure how they will react? Afraid they'll put you on the spot by asking a question you can't answer.  Can't stand the idea of rejection?

Maybe your first step is to talk to God about that friend or acquaintance.  Share your concern about their soul.  Share your concern about your ability to speak to them about Jesus.  Pray one day and then pray the next day and the next.  Ask God for faith and courage.  Implore the Holy Spirit to direct you to Scripture that will help you better know how to approach that person.  Pray that God would remove any fear you might have.

Maybe, just maybe, you'll receive from God exactly what you need to tell your friend about Jesus, about your church, about all the reasons why worship is so important to you.  That person might still say "no" to your invitation.

But they might also say "yes!"

What would you say about God?

What would you say about God? Gracious? Kind? Forgiving? Almighty? There are so many things we can say about God.  This Sunday my message is simply entitled, "Our Giving God."  If you don't have a church home, join us at Christ the Redeemer in Phoenix this Sunday.  Come learn about our Giving God.

Have a blessed weekend! 

Can God lift that rock?

It seemed that every year I taught confirmation class to 7th and 8th graders I would get some variation of the question, "Can God make a rock so big He can't lift it?"

The answer is "yes" but I never felt like I gave a really good answer to the question.  Then I discovered this from letusreason.org:

Can God make a rock so big He can't lift it? If He can't lift it He is not all  powerful.  Then the rock has more power than God and whatever is more powerful than God is God.

If God can make it, He can lift it.  If He can create it, He can destroy it.  What He creates is under His jurisdiction, under His control.  It can never have equality.

Books on the nite stand

I love this quote from Erasmus: Whenever I get a little money, I buy books.  And if there is any left over, then I buy food and clothes.

My situation isn't quite like Erasmus.  God has blessed my dear, sweet wife and I with the resources to buy food, clothes and all the other necessities of life.  But there is always a little money to buy books.  And since I love to read, there is never a shortage of books on my nite stand.  Presently I'm reading:

"3 Words That Will Change Your Life" by Mike Novotny.  This book, written by the speaker of the televison program, "Time of Grace," provides the reader with ideas and encouragement for putting God front and center in daily life.  Novotny includes a number of personal stories, some that will cause you to laugh out loud.  Study questions are included at the end of each chapter.

"Martin Luther on Mental Health: by Stephen Saunders, PhD.  The author has complied Luther's thoughts on how the suffering can be comforted that God's love is sure and certain.  Some dealing with mental illness will often feel guilt.  They conclude that they must have a weak faith to suffering so.  Luther makes it clear that God's grace is sufficient for us all, no matter if depression or guilt seems to be getting the best of us.

"George Harrison - The Reluctant Beatle" by Phillip Norman.  The author has already written massive biographies about John Lennon and Paul McCartney.  Now, he tackles Harrison, who always thought of himself as a second-class Beatle.  Harrison was known for his spirituality.  Norman shows that the most spiritual of the group was also extremely materialistic and a serial adulterer.  

I also have become a fan of British murder-mysteries.  Authors like Hannah Dennison, Catherine Coles, Helena Dixon, and CJ Archer have become new favorites of mine.

Luckily for me, my nite stand is rather large.  There's always room for one more book! 

Today's word of wisdom

God gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him.

Anon.

So Megan Rapinoe says there is no God

Psalm 19:1 - The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Romans 1:19-20 - What may be known about God is plain to them  because God has made it plain to them.  For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

John 4:24 - God is spirit, and His worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth.

Psalm 90:1-2 - Lord, You have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.  Before the mountains were born or You brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting, You are God.

Jeremiah 23:24 - "Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the Lord.  "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" declares the Lord.

Isaiah 6:3 - Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty.

1 John 4:8 - God is love.

And finally, 

Psalm 14:1 - The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."  They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.

Such a narcissistic individual! To think, to even joke, that because she got injured on a soccer field, there is no God.  One can only pray that someday God will send someone who will save Megan Rapinoe from her foolish thinking so that she might know that there is a God and that she would repent and confess Jesus as her Savior and Lord.  One way or the other, Rapinoe will see that there is a God.

For a good wedding it helps to have a good wedding planner

It seems that the 10 Virgins from Matthew 25:1-13, could have used the help of a wedding planner.  Turned out the bridegroom was delayed, they fell asleep and woke up with a start.  As the bridegroom came only half of the virgins could get their lamps lit.  Five were ushered into the wedding feast and five were left out.

There are times when we get tired of waiting.  It frustrating to have to wait at a traffic light or wait for the line at the fastfood restaurant to get moving.  In verse 13 Jesus says, "Therefore, keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour," of His return.

So we wait for the day of our Lord.  But what do we do while we wait.  That's the focus of the message I've be delivering at 9 am at Christ the Redeemer Lutheran in Phoenix.  If you don't have a church you regularly attend, come and join us.

God richly bless your weekend!

Tomorrow never comes...so don't look for it

Wise words from St. Francis

Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day.  Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.  Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations and say confidently, "The Lord is my strength and my shield' my heart has trusted in Him and I am helped....

Faithful in prayer?

Someone once asked, "What's the best diet? The one you will stick to."

What's the best devotional and prayer tool? The one you will stick to.

That's my problem.  I lack stickiness.

This has always been a challenge for me.  I find a good prayer book or devotional booklet and find the first few weeks or even months to be so beneficial.  But then I have a busy morning and skip.  Or I'm down or depressed and can't pick up the book or my Bible.  Soon, the momentum is lost and I feel guilty for not keeping with it.

That's why I found comfort today in something I wrote down in my journal.  In "Grace Upon Grace" John Kleinig wrote:

God always wants us to start where we are, rather than where we would like to be, on our spiritual journey.  We can therefore face up to our reoccurring failure to live as His holy people and people of prayer.  In fact, our failure is meant to teach us to ask for what we lack and receive everything from Christ.  (page 38)

Promise yourself you won't worry

I got to know Dr. Kevin Leman years ago when I was working in radio.  I hosted a Saturday afternoon talk show and he was a favorite guest.  He was extremely humorous, generous with his time, and offered the kind of information and encouragement families needed.  He has sold thousands and thousands of books; a number of them sit on our shelves.

A book of his that I really found helpful was "Why Your Best Is Good Enough."  His words about worry stuck a chord with me and I recently discovered something from his book that I copies in my journal.

Promise yourself you won't worry about:

What might happen tomorrow

What happened years ago

What others think of you

Things you can't do anything about

Whether you're going to fail

What everybody else does

I can't say that I always practice what Leman wrote.  His list really drove home just how much energy is wasted on things that are way out of our control.  A good part of chapter six of Matthew could be called, "Why worry?" Instead, as Paul advises, "present your requests to God."  Or as Martin Luther used to say, "God will be up all night.  Give Him your worries and go to sleep."  Good advice indeed!

Losing is a habit

How many of you made it through the Arizona Cardinals game yesterday? I turned if off sometime in the 3rd quarter.  My wife was taking a nap.  Our dog, Jake, was sacked out on the couch.  I spied my recliner in my office and made a run for it.  The best I could hope for was a miracle victory that I could read about when I woke up.  But there was no miracle finish.

I don't think fans had high hopes for this season.  Our franchise quarterback has been out with injury.  A new coach has taken over, inheriting a lousy roster.  Our best bet is to get a high first round draft choice, make other draft choices wisely and rebuild the team.  I have no doubt that our guys have played hard, especially the defense.  Hopefully, we can't go any lower than we played yesterday.

Although I was not a Green Bay Packer fan back in the 60"s, I admired Vince Lombardi very much.  Once he explained the difference between winning and losing:

Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all-the-time thing.  You don't win once and a while, you don't do the right thing once an a while, you do them right all the time.  Winning is a habit.  Unfortunately, so is losing.

No More Tears

You might know the shortest verse in the New Testament, "Jesus Wept."  (John 11:35)

The verse serves as a reminder that when we weep at the death of a loved one, Jesus can say in all honesty, "I know exactly how you feel."

On Sunday, at Christ the Redeemer, in Phoenix, we'll explore what that means, that Jesus understands our tears.  If you don't have a church home, come and join us at 9 am.

Have a blessed weekend!

Find your purpose

A prayer written by Bo Giertz

I notice, Lord, that when I'm downhearted and tired of life, it's because I've tried to live without You. If life becomes meaningless, it's because I've tried to find a different meaning than the only right one, the one that comes from You.  When I make my own plans and decide what I want to have, when I want to profit and be happy and receive appreciation for my own gains, then it seems meaningless...

When I'm happy to do something for You at Your side, however, then there's always a purpose in every day and a purpose in every task that lies before me.

All Saints Day reflection from Normal Nagel

From a sermon preached at Valparaiso University (November 1, 1981)

The hands that hold us are the hands pierced on Calvary.  They hold us while the wired-up body lies in intensive care and the machinery keeps some heartbeat going and we wonder if the person is still there.  Whether the body is inert or wrenching, we stand in reverence before what may be passing between that person and the Lord.  He knows.  With our prayers we draw closer.  We hope that person is in the hands of the Lamb who was slain for him, for her, for you.  No separation there either.

Knowing that, we are free, free to mourn with a mourning that is free of pretenses, free fully and truthfully to mourn, free to weep the tears that Jesus shares with us as we hear His words; "Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted."  (Matthew 5:4)  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  He, the Lamb who was slain, has been through it all and made the way through for us.  He doesn't just talk comfort.  He has done it at Calvary for us.