Jeff Foxworthy is a great stand-up comedian. But he'll always be known for one of his signature bits, "You might be a redneck if..." Years ago I found that an LCMS pastor from Louisiana had written a take off on Foxworthy's routine and found it pretty amusing. Check it out:
You Might Be a Lutheran if...
You think fine dining is attending a church pot luck dinner
You do not even have the word "change" in your vocabulary
You don't carry your Bible to church
You think personal evangelism means you need to have more children
You are upset that a visitor is sitting in "your" chair
You know who Carl Ferdinand Wilhelm Walther is
You would rather eat bratwurst than a steak dinner
You define "tithing" as giving 3% of your income
You Know You're a Lutheran if...
You confess you are a sinner
You know that Jesus died for you and forgave all your sins
You know that you are saved by grace through faith in Jesus
You rejoice daily that you are a baptized child of God
You yearn to study God's Word
You enjoy telling others about Jesus
You love the hymn, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God"
You desire to receive God's gift of Holy Communion at every opportunity
You know that you will be in heaven forever because of faith in Jesus' life, death and resurrection