10) "How would you like to work in the nursery today?"
9) "That's my seat."
8) "We just come for the donuts."
7) "Good news! The person who serves the donuts doesn't have hepatitis A!"
6) "We don't get as many visitors since we replaced our organist with an accordion player."
5) "Our pastor's sermons are long but don't worry - there's an intermission."
4) "We're looking for a few new members who can contribute $20,000 to our Building Fund."
3) "Our organist studied at the nationally known 'Eat My Dust Driving School'."
2) "You're 50 years? Want to join our Seniors Group?"
And the number one thing you should never say to a first time guest to your church?
1) "Here are your offering envelopes."
