After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter, from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to,
ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. This is just a small summary of what we have observed.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
were called.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while,
loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
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